Caution: Infertility hellcat on the loose…

Guys, this is just nuts. Nuckin’ futs, to be exact… (And I do apologize for the terrible movie reference, but it was about the nicest way I could put it!)

Cycle Day 68. Did you hear me?! 68!! Now ask me if there’s been any sign of ovulation. Go on, ask…

That’s okay, you don’t have to. You already know the answer is a big, fat, flying NO. Nada. Two – count’em TWO – pee sticks a DAY, looking for any visible pattern or inkling that would suggest that my little ovaries are doing their part. But no, I am simply asking too much of the useless little scraps of flesh, apparently. And now I have to buy another 50 pack of ovulation predictor pee-stick thingies (thank you, Amazon!) because we all know AF is nowhere to be found when we actually want her. Bitch…

And as for my doctor… Oh man. OH MAN. You do NOT want to open this can right now. Like the little purple line that screams OVULATION AHEAD, PROCEED WITH EXTREME SEXINESS or AF’s arrival to herald the dawn of a new cycle, he is also curiously missing. I actually made an appointment with the intention of exploding on this guy just so my poor husband can catch a break from the infertility hellcat that stress and confusion tend to turn me into these days…

But then I chickened out and cancelled it. And then immediately regretted doing so when I reminded myself that I haven’t seen or heard from him since September 9th.

I need to grow a pair and stand up for myself. I started this blog like I was big and bad, ready to face my fears and do whatever I had to do to become healthy, and by extension, become a mother. Yet, here I am, barely two months later, and I’ve already crawled back into my safe little hole, painting the walls of my lair with denial and laying down a nice comfy carpet of self pity…

For shame. Honestly.

On a lighter note (pun intended!) I moved bead #20 over to the “Lost jar” recently. I have officially shed 20 pounds, and I’m actually beginning to see (and feel!) the changes. So, there’s that… It’s good to know that I haven’t completely given up since I’m still making progress, albeit slow. But slow is good, right? Better than stressing my body even more and risking a complete and total relapse back to where I started, or worse!

Tomorrow afternoon is my first official nutritionist appointment. When I scheduled this last month, I did so with the hopes that I would have a diagnosis by now, or at the very least some bloodwork results that would shed light on what my body was up to. Unfortunately, it looks like we’ll be heading into this blind, which means I will probably mention my suspicion of PCOS and/or insulin resistance once or twice, just to have it waved away so she can give me the standard “calories in/calories out” spiel again.

And God have mercy if she breaks out another slideshow…


10 thoughts on “Caution: Infertility hellcat on the loose…

  1. So sorry you are on day 68! That’s torture! You’d think with your 20lb weight loss (which is awesome btw) you’d get it. Honestly it sounds like PCOS to me. You’re right though, you do need to be your own advocate. I can’t believe that your doctor is hanging you out to dry here. You should have something!

    • I have decided that I am not walking out of that building tomorrow unless I have either an appointment to have my blood drawn or the paperwork needed to request a new doctor, even if that means letting the hellcat outta her cage. πŸ˜‰ Thank you for the boost of confidence!

  2. I can’t believe I hadn’t seen your blog before now! It’s so great to find another military wife in this terrible world of infertility-and another one on a weight loss journey. Major kudos on the 20 pounds! That’s an awesome milestone! And the fact that it’s been hard fought makes it even awesomer (yes I just made up a word. it’s okay, I’m a librarian).

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