Beginning to notice…

It took a long time for me to be able to look in the mirror and see any results. Sure, the numbers were going down on the scale, but my pudgy butt looked the same to me. Jonathan would point out that he could tell my “shape was changing,” which I guess is man-talk for “you look less fat.” 😉 Maybe I just really needed to hear someone else say it before I noticed any difference myself.

Strangely enough, I noticed my legs first. I don’t know how to describe it other than to say they starter to have a more defined “swoop” (?) to them. (I’ve clearly had a long day because that phrase made sense in my head.) I thought that was an odd place to begin seeing the first signs of change, but there ya go. Suddenly, I no longer dreaded pulling on those tight fitting workout pants. Even better, when they started feeling a little baggy on me, I took a chance and grabbed a pair in the next size down. I threw a little one-woman dance party in my bedroom when I pulled them up and found that they fit. 😀

Then, one morning as I was putting on make-up, I noticed that my cheeks weren’t nearly as poofy, and the saggy little pooch underneath my chin that haunts me in every single photograph was less pronounced. That’s when I started getting excited about losing weight. Finally, I was beginning to look healthier (and younger, which is always nice!)

I feel better, which is incredibly important no matter who you are or what you’re going through. I know that happiness is more than a pant size, but right now these changes have to be my victories. This has to be something I can smile and feel good about because if I let myself sink back into that dark place that lets me be miserable and scared, I don’t know when I’ll have the courage to crawl back out again.

I’m not going back there. I am NEVER going back there!!! 

I don’t have any new weight loss to report, but today I am celebrating my progress so far.

And folks, I’m ready…

I’m ready to post a side by side. Please be kind…

The first picture is from June. I’m standing next to an 8-foot-tall (I think?) polar bear in Atlanta. Now, to be fair, that dress looked a lot cuter before the belt rode up from my waist and got eaten by my boobs. I can’t explain why I thought it looked okay when I put it on that morning. I can, however, promise you that the next time it leaves my closet it’s going to be donated… or burned.

Second photo: November 9th. I probably could have chosen a better photo as my “now” because the sun is just glaring something awful. And having the sun in my eyes gives me epic-bitch face and I don’t know why (I’m actually a nice person, I promise!) But I am just so proud of it… Jonathan caught this picture of me moments after we finished Run or Dye (which I lovingly nick-named Run or Dye trying!) This was my first 5k ever! Was I able to run the entire time? No, but I had fun, and that’s all that matters. I will be doing these more often, and someday I’m going to run ALL THE WAY! 😀

I no longer see getting fit as a form of torture. It’s something I’m excited about, because if 20 pounds has made this much difference I simply cannot WAIT to see how I feel at 30. 40. 50…

When I make it back to my goal weight, my hope is that I’ll be able to look in the mirror NOT to search for the signs of change, but to welcome back an old friend.

And then I’mma take that girl shopping. ;D

Stay strong, and no matter what you’re going through right now, KEEP GOING.