Lucky fortune?

Nothing soothes my sniffles and sore throat like a hot bowl of wonton soup.

I always seem to catch a cold right in the thick of the holiday season, and lucky for me there’s a little takeout place nearby that has the cure for what ails me. Chinese takeout, puppy snuggles, and some movies with the husband will hopefully do the trick.

My husband got to his fortune cookie first. His read, “You will enjoy doing something different this coming weekend.” Since we’ll be travelling at the end if this week to visit friends and relatives back home, we thought it was pretty fitting.

I like mine better though. 😉

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And I just can’t help feeling a little more hopeful than usual. Maybe, just maybe…

Brace yourself… (and a bonus TMT!)

A new facebook game is tearing through your newsfeed. And if you haven’t seen it yet, you probably will soon…

I try very hard not to see the fertile world as if I am standing on the other side of a rift with no chance in hell of ever being able to cross. I’ll also admit that there’s some envy  involved when I learn that a new baby is on the way, which is natural, right? I felt this little pinch of jealousy even before my husband and I were serious about having kids of our own.

I absolutely love babies, I love pregnancy, I love many people who have babies and are/were at some point pregnant. And that news will ALWAYS be good news to me, but…

This is a lot of baby stuff. And I have a complicated relationship with baby stuff. (Gasp! Shocking!)

One by one, the mommies on facebook are posting lists of facts about their pregnancies, and because I just can’t help myself, I read every single one because I’m creepy and lifeless like that. By the time I get to the bottom of the list, I am this weird combination of fascinated, envious, angry, and sad. “Like for a number!”

I’ll sit this one out for so many reasons…

And if you’re giving me one of those looks for choosing to write about this, YES I KNOW it’s just a silly little game and clearly it isn’t part of a universal plot to make me feel like someone is raking my nerves against a cheese grater. They’re being normal, friendly, social creatures and sharing a beautiful part of their lives. It’s natural, I guess. I wouldn’t know much about what it’s like to be normal but I do my best to go along with it, smiling and nodding in all the (hopefully) right places.

I just wanted to whine about it while I get ready to torture myself with the next wave of predictably adorable pregnancy quirks. Why do I do this to myself. 😦

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!

We have a game of our own, remember? That’s Me Thursdays! (I would link to the original post here but I’m updating from my phone today and I don’t want to push my luck.) Basically, post three interesting/funny/weird facts about yourself as a reminder that there’s more to us than just the whining-about-baby-stuff stuff. 

1) Proud Slytherin here, and no that doesn’t mean I’m evil. It means that if you mess with my friends or family I will viciously destroy you and probably enjoy it a bit too much. Oh, and I’m willing to do whatever is necessary to get the things I want, which I believe will come in handy for the road ahead. ;P (Although, I suppose being a true Slytherin would make me a witch and I would therefore have magic on my side and wouldn’t need doctors at all... hmm... Accio baby!) ;P

2) Let’s just get all geeky up in here today. My husband and I got married on June 26, 2010 and therefore share our anniversary with Amy and Rory Williams (*coughPondcough*). We weren’t even fans of Doctor Who at the time so it’s just an awesome coincidence.

3) Ok, fine, let’s just finish this off right. Our Christmas tree is decorated with a few pokemon, Hedwig, a Creeper from Minecraft, an Angry Bird, Hello Kitty, a glass Xbox controller ornament and over a dozen Star Wars candy canes, and soon there will be a TARDIS tucked in there too. No, we will never grow up and you can’t make us. 😉

Thankful.

I’m not going to waste a valuable moment of this day pining for the things I don’t have. I’m not going to stare teary-eyed at the empty chairs at our dining table and wonder where the rest of our family is. Today is Thanksgiving, and I intend to make the most of it. 

Growing up, my family had a simple tradition for this day: as we sat around the table, we took turns sharing what we were thankful for. There would always be giggles because someone would inevitably mention that they were “thankful it was almost time to eat!” But it was nice, hearing each family member reflect on something that was meaningful to them. 

This year was the first year that Jonathan and I did not make “the rounds.” If you don’t know what I mean, allow me to paint this beautiful picture in your mind: “The rounds” were the pilgrimage that took us to every relative’s home for dinner and ended with us basically crawling through our own front door by the end of the day, 10 pounds heavier and loaded with casserole dishes filled with enough leftovers to keep us out of a grocery store until December… 

Being hundreds of miles from everyone we know and love, we decided a quiet Thanksgiving at home would better suit our budget this year. I cooked, he stayed out of my way, and we had a nice candlelit meal. Just the two of us. And it was nice. 

We even told each other what we were thankful for. We’re a little goofy, so we didn’t get too deep and mushy with it, but it was special in our own dorky way. 

But I saved one tiny little piece of thankfulness to say here this evening. 

I want you all to know that, above all else, this year I am thankful for you. Each and every one of you. For encouraging me, for supporting me, for sharing your stories with me. For proving that even in the darkest of hours there can be strength beyond all measure, and for showing me that even when when there’s no choice but to succumb to the pain that it’s okay because life is messy and we don’t always have to have it together. I have come further, grown more, and had more appreciation for this journey in the last few months than I ever could have done on my own. You are all heroes to me. True heroes. And I am eternally thankful to have such beautiful, brave women in my life today. 

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. 

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Hmm… I seem to be growing more emotional as the evening goes on. There must be a logical way to explain this, right? 😉

Now, I’m just going to scoot out of here before you catch me crying. That would be pretty embarrassing. ;’) 

 

Beginning to notice…

It took a long time for me to be able to look in the mirror and see any results. Sure, the numbers were going down on the scale, but my pudgy butt looked the same to me. Jonathan would point out that he could tell my “shape was changing,” which I guess is man-talk for “you look less fat.” 😉 Maybe I just really needed to hear someone else say it before I noticed any difference myself.

Strangely enough, I noticed my legs first. I don’t know how to describe it other than to say they starter to have a more defined “swoop” (?) to them. (I’ve clearly had a long day because that phrase made sense in my head.) I thought that was an odd place to begin seeing the first signs of change, but there ya go. Suddenly, I no longer dreaded pulling on those tight fitting workout pants. Even better, when they started feeling a little baggy on me, I took a chance and grabbed a pair in the next size down. I threw a little one-woman dance party in my bedroom when I pulled them up and found that they fit. 😀

Then, one morning as I was putting on make-up, I noticed that my cheeks weren’t nearly as poofy, and the saggy little pooch underneath my chin that haunts me in every single photograph was less pronounced. That’s when I started getting excited about losing weight. Finally, I was beginning to look healthier (and younger, which is always nice!)

I feel better, which is incredibly important no matter who you are or what you’re going through. I know that happiness is more than a pant size, but right now these changes have to be my victories. This has to be something I can smile and feel good about because if I let myself sink back into that dark place that lets me be miserable and scared, I don’t know when I’ll have the courage to crawl back out again.

I’m not going back there. I am NEVER going back there!!! 

I don’t have any new weight loss to report, but today I am celebrating my progress so far.

And folks, I’m ready…

I’m ready to post a side by side. Please be kind…

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The first picture is from June. I’m standing next to an 8-foot-tall (I think?) polar bear in Atlanta. Now, to be fair, that dress looked a lot cuter before the belt rode up from my waist and got eaten by my boobs. I can’t explain why I thought it looked okay when I put it on that morning. I can, however, promise you that the next time it leaves my closet it’s going to be donated… or burned.

Second photo: November 9th. I probably could have chosen a better photo as my “now” because the sun is just glaring something awful. And having the sun in my eyes gives me epic-bitch face and I don’t know why (I’m actually a nice person, I promise!) But I am just so proud of it… Jonathan caught this picture of me moments after we finished Run or Dye (which I lovingly nick-named Run or Dye trying!) This was my first 5k ever! Was I able to run the entire time? No, but I had fun, and that’s all that matters. I will be doing these more often, and someday I’m going to run ALL THE WAY! 😀

I no longer see getting fit as a form of torture. It’s something I’m excited about, because if 20 pounds has made this much difference I simply cannot WAIT to see how I feel at 30. 40. 50…

When I make it back to my goal weight, my hope is that I’ll be able to look in the mirror NOT to search for the signs of change, but to welcome back an old friend.

And then I’mma take that girl shopping. ;D

Stay strong, and no matter what you’re going through right now, KEEP GOING. 

I want to believe!

What comes to mind when you see the word unexplained?  A grainy black-and-white picture of a UFO? A blurry wisp of a ghostly figure in the window of an abandoned hospital? The phenomenally normal results of my recent blood labs? (No? I guess that last one’s just me then.)

I am healthy. Absolutely healthy. If my test scores were any more perfect, Doc probably would have called me a cheater and sent me to the principal’s office.

I decided to illustrate my frustrations artistically using my amazing computery Paint skills.

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(You’re impressed, I know.)

Cue the X-Files theme, because there’s just no way to explain why I’m not pregnant yet. (God, I am so lame and I really should stay off Hulu for a while… )

Why am I so unbelievably pissed about those results, though? How spoiled am I? There I am, listening to a smiling, cheerful doctor list off my numbers, hearing that everything came back normal, and yet I was…

…disappointed? What the fu-…?

Thyroid? Normal. Glucose? Normal. All those other fancy words I don’t understand? All amazingly normal. People bargain, plead, wish, and pray every single day to hear results like that, but I was hoping for an answer today. I was really, truly hoping that one of those little numbers would be so far out of whack that the Doc could take one look and go, “AHA! THERE IT IS!”

But it’s never that easy, is it? It is literally a mystery why I am having such a hard time popping out a kid. Damn you, little ovaries. Something is wrong with you, why won’t you speak up and tell me what it is?!

We also found out the results of hubby’s SA, and he’s good to go. No problems there. Super fertile. Must be nice! (Does this mean we throw him in with the others and pelt him with passive aggressiveness and old chewing gum wrappers? No? Awwa… )

So of course, the spotlight is turned back on me, and at this point it’s less “spotlight” and more “light bulb inches from my face while I’m strapped to a chair with my interrogator coming out of the shadows with a pair of pliers.” We have ways of making you talk…

 What’s next? I’m being referred to a specialist. There’s nothing more my PCM (or my Nutritionist) can do, since my results clearly have them both scratching their heads and questioning everything they think they know about science.

In the meantime, I’m just going to keep my fingers crossed, keep cheering for my fellow hopeful-babymakers, and try really hard not to beat myself up too much for stopping by Starbucks for a much-deserved treat on the way out of the hospital today.

But oh man, as someone who rarely indulges in caffeine, it was soooo worth it. 

Rockabye Someday: An Inspiration

I don’t even know what to say! This girl is the kind of friend a person hopes to find but almost never gets in her lifetime. I miss her terribly and wish I didn’t have to live so freakin’ far away, but I would never wish Georgia on her! As you can see, she is THE WV Travel Queen and she is always updating her blog with breathtaking pictures and pieces of our home state. Whether you’re interested in photography, travel in general, or want to take a look at an already beautiful state through the eyes of someone who is truly in love, you should spend a little time over there today. 

Sara has been especially supportive of our journey, and has been there for me to listen to my whining about how unfair the baby universe is loooong before I was ever brave enough to start writing Rockabye Someday. She probably deserves a medal because she took my blubbering in stride, smiling and reassuring me that not only was there a baby in my future, but it was going to have an awesome mom.

That, ladies (and gentlemen in the IF world), is a true friend. All too often we read about our fellow if/ttc bloggers being shunned by their friends and family, as if lacking the ability to bring a new baby into the world at a moment’s notice is shameful. So, I don’t think she even understands when I try to tell her how priceless her support is. I never would have had the courage to begin my own blog without reassurance from the handful of people who understood how important this was for me. I ESPECIALLY wouldn’t have been able to do it openly.

I could go on forever about how clever and talented and ambitious and awesome she is, but at this point I really just need for you to take a look at her blog. See for yourself what an amazing woman Sara is. With a best friend like that backing me up every step of the way, it’s no damn wonder I am so fearless when it comes to sharing my own story. 😉

Thank you, Sara, for everything. If anyone is the inspiration here, it’s you.

West Virginia travel queen

It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in the “aspiring blogger” world.  In fact, one of my close friends began blogging around the same time I did and it’s been reassuring knowing someone who is in a similar situation.  (what I really mean is it’s been nice to have someone to whom I can ask all my stupid WordPress questions so I don’t look like an idiot to strangers when I can’t figure out how to do something)

Friends, meet Amanda. 

Amanda is the voice behind Rockabye Someday, in which she shares her journey of trying to start a family.  I am incredibly proud of her for putting her life out there for all the world to see and I know that by sharing her struggles and triumphs, she has touched the lives of countless others in the same position.   She is an amazingly strong individual with an old…

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