“That’s Me Thursday!”

The Barren Librarian came up with a pretty nifty idea! Once a week, she posts three things about herself that have nothing to do with infertility and she calls this fun little game “That’s Me Thursday!

Today I’m going to tell you three things about me that have nothing to do with my IF because goddamnit, IF is NOT who I am. I’ll do this every Thursday until I run out of interesting/embarrasing/hilarious things to share. I’d love to learn more about all of you, because goddamnit, IF is NOT who you are either. So if you want to participate please let me know in the comments so I can check in and see all the awesome things about you!”

We should really get into this! One of my favorite parts of blogging has been watching the connections I make here grow into friendships, and since we can’t all get together and giggle over the itty bitty details over a bottle (or two) of wine (okay, okay, decaf coffee if we have to be fertility-friendly and boring like that!) like normal little groups of friends, let’s give this “That’s Me Thursday” thing a try. See what we learn about each other that has absolutely nothing to do with examining pee sticks through one bloodshot eye at 5 in the morning.

Seriously, I’m curious! Who are you people?? ;P

1.) I am fascinated by medical anomalies. Well, anything medical, really… but the more bizarre, the better. Ever heard of the Mutter Museum? It’s sort of a dream of mine to go there. I was probably a mad scientist in a previous life. I don’t mean the sick and twisted “do experiments on people” kind, just the “have shelves of two-headed babies in jars” kind. Um. Yeah. That’s not helping things, is it? Moving on.

2.) I play video games. Not incredibly interesting, but it’s not something you hear about every day. (What else is a childless 26-year-old woman supposed to do for fun, anyway?) The husband and I don’t watch TV (aside from a few good shows what we keep up with on Netflix or Hulu) so our spare time usually consists of shooting aliens or zombies. Or Minecraft. He says this trait is one of the reasons why he married me. He better be kidding. 😀

3.) Would you like an embarrassing story? Well, here ya go! My parents bought a new house in a new state in 2012 but wouldn’t be able to move for a few months. We all agreed that my husband and I should move down early and “house sit” until they could get there. It seemed like a pretty good idea, since my husband was scheduled to leave for basic training within a few weeks anyway and I was going to stay with my family until his training was complete. This would give me a little over a month and a half being completely on my own, but I would be able to focus on the cleaning/unpacking/organizing/planning for my family’s arrival to the sunshine state. I’m a nester, so I was okay with that. Plus, there was a pool, so yeah, I wasn’t going to argue. ;P

Unfortunately, at that time, I had never been on my own before. Also, I am a scaredy cat with an extremely overactive imagination. You’ve probably already figured out where this is going…

My husband had been gone for about a week, and my nerves were already pretty shot. Puppy begins whining about 5AM for her morning walk – right on schedule, of course. So I go downstairs with her and just before I reach the back doors I hear the sound that the outdoor shower by the pool makes when it’s running, but it’s too dark to see anything outside. I run up to my room, grab my golf club and my phone, and hide in the closet and call (who else?) my mother. I tell her that someone is outside the house, and she obviously tells me to call the police. So, one frantic 911 call later  the cops are shining their flashlights and checking around. One finally comes to the front door and is greeted by my pajama-wearing-golf-club-carrying-crazy-ass…

He explains to me that the sound I was hearing was simply the sprinkler system.

No crazy midnight outdoor shower bandits, just sprinklers on a timer, spraying water a little too close to the house.

Not my finest moment, I tell ya.


A little mercy…

It is a very well known fact that chocolate and crying can sometimes magically make things better.

I don’t know how it works. I don’t question it. I just let it happen, embrace it, and thank all of my lucky little stars that it does.

I cried and I pouted. I threw a little tantrum here on my blog. I made sure that the universe understood that I wasn’t a happy camper. And every few minutes or so, I checked to see if a miracle would happen and an earlier appointment would show up.

And guess what?

An empty slot opened up just moments ago on my Doc’s calendar.

And it is only 6 days away.  😀

I rubbed my eyes, I double checked the date, and I’m pretty sure I heard a choir of angels singing in the distance…

Ok, I’m just being dramatic about that last thing, but I grabbed that appointment as fast as I could. Waiting a week for answers is a lot easier than waiting an entire month.

I just really wish this could have happened before I consumed an unfortunate amount of sugary happiness…


Blood labs results are posted where I can see them!!! CRUEL! 

Frustration = looking right at the numbers that could potentially reveal what is/isn’t wrong with me and not being able to read them!

I don’t speak “doctorese,” so I am doing what every frantic person does when they are handed a set of numbers that could determine the course of her future: Google.

Why. WHY. Make me STOP! Dear whoever-is-up-there-listening, I never thought I would ever ask for this but now would be a good time to cut off my internet or something!

In a brief moment of clarity and self control, I logged in to schedule an appointment to see Doc so he can talk me through these results, and WHAT?! No appointments available until DECEMBER?!?! NO! NO! WHY!! 





I r dum.


Nutritionist appointment went really well. It was nice to finally have someone listen to me explain what I’ve been doing and agree that my body rebels against every natural law known in the nutritional world. I mean, it wasn’t nice to hear that, it was just nice to know that I’m not crazy, and there aren’t evil little creatures force feeding me chocolate cake at night while I’m sleeping.

(Although… weight loss sabotage aside, I would probably be okay with that on some level…)

She did recommend that I step up my game when it comes to exercise, and she’s right. I don’t even go to the gym anymore even though I really should. It’s just not nearly as fun to go now that my workout buddy moved away and ABANDONED ME. (Just kidding, T! Love and miss you! Haha!)

It’s just a scary thought to go there all alone with no one to giggle with when I spectacularly fail at trying out a new machine, and I can’t ask anyone to go with me because I have zero friends within a 400 mile radius. Military life problems. 😥

Anyway, no more using that as an excuse. I want this weight gone. I want regular cycles and I DEFINITELY want to ovulate again, so tomorrow (no really, I’m not just procrastinating, I promise!) I am going to restart my gym routine. Might even look into signing up for a class. I’ll keep up with my walking/jogging of course. I just need to push my body a little harder, because if it wants to play rough, I’m going to torture it into submission! Hah!

Now, you would all be very proud of me because I was poised to take that building by storm after my scheduled appointment to find out what the deal was with my Doc and to demand a new one. I was ready to fight tooth and nail to make sure that someone with an IQ over 14 was put in charge of my case and, damnit, find out where my baby is!

But it never came to that… here’s why:

Nutritionist asked me if I had any lab work done to determine what my crazy body was doing. I believe I grumbled something about how I was supposed to have some done a few weeks ago but my doctor forgot about me…

She taps out a few things on her keyboard and then turns the screen to face me.

It’s all listed. Every test he ordered, right there.

I made a face, “but when was I supposed to have these things done…?”

Apparently, guys, all I had to do was go to the lab at my convenience. No appointment necessary. She told me it wasn’t a problem, that it was all still waiting on me, and all I have to do is make time to get it taken care of.

I r dum.

Actually. I r an ass, because I have been cussing Doc up, down, and sideways to my husband, to my dog, and on this freakin’ blog for the last few weeks, and it turns out it wasn’t even his fault.

It was mine.

So, smart alec of a husband waits until we are just barely out of earshot of the nutritionist and goes, “I guess this means you owe Doc a blog apology!”

You have no idea how much I hate it when he’s right. I mean, this is like the second time it has EVER happened, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

Here goes:

Dear Doc,




Love, Me

I am immensely sorry that I accused him of abandoning me, of being lazy, and of not taking me seriously. It was all a big misunderstanding. He obviously had no way of knowing that I would stupidly assume that these things would have to be scheduled. Maybe he just didn’t take me seriously when I told him that I have no idea how this doctor/army/MTF stuff is supposed to work.

Although, I want to point out how awesome you guys are for being ready to eat his face when we thought he was just doing a crappy job. I am so in love with all of you for trying to look out for me. Warm fuzzies all around! :3

Friday morning = lots of needles for me, and a semen analysis for the hubs!


Yay, potential answers!! 😀

Caution: Infertility hellcat on the loose…

Guys, this is just nuts. Nuckin’ futs, to be exact… (And I do apologize for the terrible movie reference, but it was about the nicest way I could put it!)

Cycle Day 68. Did you hear me?! 68!! Now ask me if there’s been any sign of ovulation. Go on, ask…

That’s okay, you don’t have to. You already know the answer is a big, fat, flying NO. Nada. Two – count’em TWO – pee sticks a DAY, looking for any visible pattern or inkling that would suggest that my little ovaries are doing their part. But no, I am simply asking too much of the useless little scraps of flesh, apparently. And now I have to buy another 50 pack of ovulation predictor pee-stick thingies (thank you, Amazon!) because we all know AF is nowhere to be found when we actually want her. Bitch…

And as for my doctor… Oh man. OH MAN. You do NOT want to open this can right now. Like the little purple line that screams OVULATION AHEAD, PROCEED WITH EXTREME SEXINESS or AF’s arrival to herald the dawn of a new cycle, he is also curiously missing. I actually made an appointment with the intention of exploding on this guy just so my poor husband can catch a break from the infertility hellcat that stress and confusion tend to turn me into these days…

But then I chickened out and cancelled it. And then immediately regretted doing so when I reminded myself that I haven’t seen or heard from him since September 9th.

I need to grow a pair and stand up for myself. I started this blog like I was big and bad, ready to face my fears and do whatever I had to do to become healthy, and by extension, become a mother. Yet, here I am, barely two months later, and I’ve already crawled back into my safe little hole, painting the walls of my lair with denial and laying down a nice comfy carpet of self pity…

For shame. Honestly.

On a lighter note (pun intended!) I moved bead #20 over to the “Lost jar” recently. I have officially shed 20 pounds, and I’m actually beginning to see (and feel!) the changes. So, there’s that… It’s good to know that I haven’t completely given up since I’m still making progress, albeit slow. But slow is good, right? Better than stressing my body even more and risking a complete and total relapse back to where I started, or worse!

Tomorrow afternoon is my first official nutritionist appointment. When I scheduled this last month, I did so with the hopes that I would have a diagnosis by now, or at the very least some bloodwork results that would shed light on what my body was up to. Unfortunately, it looks like we’ll be heading into this blind, which means I will probably mention my suspicion of PCOS and/or insulin resistance once or twice, just to have it waved away so she can give me the standard “calories in/calories out” spiel again.

And God have mercy if she breaks out another slideshow…

Sunshine Award

Things I suck at:

1) knitting
2) making babies
3) blogging regularly


I was recently nominated for The Sunshine Award by A Calm Persistence! Please stop by and see her sometime soon. I don’t want to get too mushy, but I will say that I really admire this woman and the strength she has in her. Also, it’s absolutely adorable how she pampered her husband during her recent round of the oh-so-dreaded clomid.

During my time of neglect absence I was also ninja’d with another nomination by babybattle.  Sneaky sneaky… ;P Please stop by and give her a hug as well! She’s very sweet.

Why do you Blog?

To put it simply: I wanted needed a place to write, to share my feelings, to tell my story, and to connect with others who are doing the same.

What are you most proud of?

I am proud of my husband, but I am ESPECIALLY proud of our relationship. We have had to deal with our fair share of rough waters over the years, but every struggle has only proved to us that we are stronger together than we could ever be on our own. I’m proud of the life we are building together, even if some parts of it are held together with little more than hopes and dreams. 😉

What is one thing you want to learn how to do?

Make my mother’s homemade old-fashioned fudge! It is absolutely phenomenal and people beg her to make a batch, especially around the holidays. I have the recipes for her chocolate fudge and her FAMOUS peanut butter fudge candy, I have watched her/assisted her in making them COUNTLESS TIMES, and yet when I am on my own it just doesn’t work. I whine to her that she must be keeping a secret ingredient from me and adding it when she knows I’m not looking. She just teases me with the whole “practice makes perfect!” thing. Gr!

If you could have any super power, what would it be?

Teleporting! It would be so much easier to visit friends and family no matter how far away we have to move.

What is your best piece of advice?

Do what makes you happy.

If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it?

INVEST some so it would grow, then we’d probably pay off my student loans, do something awesome for our parents, start college funds for the future kiddies and buy a house somewhere and fill it with lots of animals and babies. ;D

What is your favorite season and why?

Fall, because these good things get to happen: crunchy leaves, pumpkins, that awesome smell in the air, chilly mornings, hot tea, fuzzy socks, pumpkin-spice-ANYTHING, Halloween, Thanksgiving, visiting family, and of course, my birthday.

What is your all time favorite meal?

The meal I like to make for our anniversaries: stuffed chicken marsala with mushroom gravy, potatoes roasted with garlic and olive oil, warm breadsticks, a fresh salad with lots of colorful veggies, some chocolate dipped strawberries, a bottle of one of our favorite wines, and red velvet cake with butter cream icing for dessert (just like our wedding cake!)

What is your favorite song?

There are so many songs that I love and call my “favorites,” but the one that stands out from the rest is “Turn to Stone,” by Ingrid Michaelson. I adore her so much. This song will usually reduce me to tears every time I listen to it. The message really hits home for me, especially when I’m feeling particularly overwhelmed…

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live? 

Anywhere? In the whole world? Ok, I’d live here! 😉


And before you tell me that a person couldn’t actually live there, BEHOLD!  THE CINDERELLA SUITE! 

Could you imagine? Oh, man…

“Where do you live?”
“You know the castle at Disney World?”
“There. I live there. OH YEAH, YOU’RE JEALOUS!” *struts away*


I know that this is the part where I pick 10 amazing, deserving bloggers to carry on the Sunshine Award, but… I just can’t. Three reasons:

1) I can’t decide because I read so many and I love them all for different reasons.
2) I’m lazy today this week this month I’m lazy.

3) I’m going to give this “rebel” thing a try and break a rule just for the sake of breaking it. THAT SAID, if you are reading this, you’re nominated. Yeah, I’m cheating… But I’ve played by the rules my whole life and all I have to show for it is a long history of disappointing pee sticks and a little onesie hidden in the back of my sock drawer. SO.

And if you wish to accept this open-nomination, your questions are:

1. What is your favorite book?
2. Are you a neat freak?
3. If you HAD to change your first name, what would you change it to?
4. If you could trade lives with one person for a day, who would it be?
5. Let’s order pizza! What are your go-to toppings? (Mine’s totally hot sauce and pineapples!)
6. Are you a pirate or a ninja?
7. Favorite Disney movie? (you know you have one!)
8. Dream vacation spot?
9. What is your guilty pleasure?
10. What do you like most about yourself?